apollosdtr

Farnoosh over at Prolific Living invited me to make an installment in the Life Lessons Series, which she is compiling with Abubakar Jamil

Here are a few of the things I learned the hard way.

1. It is never too late to learn/begin something new. Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers” suggests that it takes 10 years of dedicated effort to become really good at something. So, a person can begin learning at 70, be good at it by 80, and continue as long as possible afterward. Or, I could continue learning a new language every decade.

2. Never give up doing something that you love.
Both summers after my sophomore year of high school, my family moved. At my first high school, I had taken music lessons as a freshman and joined the band as a sophomore. When we made the first cross-country move, I thought I could give up music. Big mistake, horrible mistake.
With 20/20 hindsight, I realize that the high school I attended for my junior year was the only one of my high schools that had a marching band while I was a student. I had the opportunity to continue playing, and even to learn to march, and I blew it.
As a senior in yet another new school, it was enough work just getting the classes I needed to graduate, there wasn't room for music. But when I got to college, I returned to music and have continued doing something musical ever since.

3. Discipline is rooted in love.
With respect to children, Dr. Sears describes the purpose of discipline is “to teach.” Fear, and particularly fear of failure, holds us back. Learning to succeed comes from love, joy, experience, and especially from having fun.
With respect to talents (whether music, sports, dance, etc), the discipline of practice IS critical... but a child will not have the discipline to practice on their own, before they have learned to love the activity. The discipline to practice is rooted in a kind of love for the activity (and/or the activity's benefits).

4. Exercise is fun when you do what you like. Play. Be with people. Make mistakes. Fall down, laugh, and get back up again. Work out with a friend, or make friends in classes. Stay active. Try lots of different activities.

5. “Make the most of the time we are given.” J.R.R. Tolkien. Even if you only have a few months, or a year, in a location, that’s time enough to learn something new. Time enough to make friends. Time enough to volunteer for something that will make a difference in the community.

6. Keep in touch. Even just to say “hello.” While there is truth to the concept of three kinds of friends:
-- Friends for a reason
-- Friends for a season
-- Friends for a lifetime
There is something magical about getting back in touch with long lost friends. The friendship won’t be what it was then; sometimes it will grow, other times it fades, but it’s worth keeping in touch.

7. Follow your bliss and play to your strengths.
I general, I’ve succeeded in the first part. I continue to work on the second part. If I had it to do over again, I think I would not have stayed with the broader Electrical Engineering major. My strengths are in Computers, and I think if I had it to do over again I would have done the more-focused Computer Engineering degree instead. The two majors do overlap, both degrees were offered through the same School within my University. But I was afraid that I wouldn't find a job with a Computer Engineering degree, and I let that fear win. OTOH, I did take about as many Computer Engineering courses and labs as I could for credit towards the EE major.

On parenting:

11. Infants are a lot like barometers for the emotions around them, especially their parents. When Mom & Dad are stressed, the baby will cry more. When Mom & Dad are calm, baby will usually settle down easier.

12. I should have taken at least 4-6 months off after the birth of my son, and I recommend any breastfeeding mother try her best to get that. At three- and four-months old, he still needed lots of mama time, and lots of mama milk, which he primarily got overnight. During my maternity leave, I could catch a few hours of sleep around 6-9 am. But when I returned to work, that was no longer possible.